I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
