It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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