she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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