so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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