My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
