Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We need a shit load of segways right now
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
