Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
