I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i dont even know how to be here
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
