dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
