Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
