The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it was like eating out sand paper
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
