Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
