I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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