disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
