Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
