Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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