somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Randomize
