Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The uberlube is also flammable
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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