Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
