Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
