party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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