every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
This is the high leading the old right now
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
