you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I have surprise drugs for everyone
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
