He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Sorry about my life...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
