It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
These tits shall not be calmed
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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