I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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