Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
