I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize