i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
