It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
