he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
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I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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