well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
