i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
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apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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