Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Jerry, you need to find god
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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