I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
