i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Dear god my vagina.
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