We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
