I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
