I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My dick has a subreddit
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
