I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
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Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
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A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize