The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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