What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
