On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
