If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
