i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
