If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I can text with my tongue
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
