i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
