Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
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I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
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His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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