k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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