And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
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did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
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Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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