just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
