so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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