Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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