Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
