Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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