well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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