so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
