Porn is love you can see.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just want to make out with him forever
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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