We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
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He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
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The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
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