did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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