singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
