If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
