Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize